Neurotic

So, I'm getting a little neurotic here. I left work Wednesday at 3ish because my co-worker pushed me out the door saying if I didn't start packing up and getting out she was gonna tell bossman on me and have him tell me to get out. So I did and promptly curled up in bed as soon as I got home. As I was lying there I remembered taking a nice warm, bordering on hot, bath once before when I had a migraine and it seemed to help. The kind that I can still function but barely that is. So I went ahead and did the same and it did seem to help some. Afterward I laid back down on my bed with the kitties surrounding me.

When HDiTty walked in the backdoor Crybaby took off to meet him but he came back in when HD came in and laid down with me. We were there for about 15-20 minutes and then got up and went downstairs to watch some tv. I was feeling better and figured I'd be just fine by the morning and would go to work.

Nope, I was wrong. When I woke up the next day I was feeling just as bad if not a little worse then I did the day before. So I reset my alarm for the time I knew bossman would be in and curled back under the covers. By that time the pain had receded somewhat to where it was about the same if not even a little lighter then the day before. But still bad enough that I knew I should stay home.

As soon as the doctor's office opened I made an appointment to discuss what's been going on with me this year. You see, I rarely got migraines before. My first one ever was when I was 21. It was a doozy. I woke up crying I was in so much pain. I made my boyfriend call in to work for me and they new I wasn't faking it because they could hear me crying in the background. He kept wanting to take me to the emergency room but I refused to go. It took a couple hours before it wasn't killing me anymore and by that night it was almost gone completely. After that I didn't get another one for several years and then another several years went by before the next. After that I might get one or two every couple of years. None were ever as severe as that first one but they did put me out.

Until this year that is. This year I've already had 3, maybe 4, I can't quite remember. And they've put me out for more then one day whereas the others would last only about one day, very rarely going into a second one. And the second day was hardly more than just a bad headache. So this time I said I was gonna go see me doc and maybe get something stronger than the generic stuff I was using. It's basically the same as Excedrin Migraine.

So I get in there and she asks me to describe what's going on. I get major pain, most of the time it's quite sharp. Sometimes stabbing pain, sometimes over an eye. She asks if it ever throbs instead of stabs. Said that it does but not very often, it's almost always a sharp pain all the time with stabs every now and then. She asked where in the head. This last one was in the front, my whole forehead area going to about the middle of the head. Last July it was from the front all the way back to the top of my neck. I was light and sound sensitive and got nauseous. And my eyesight became blurry. Not so much that I couldn't see, just so much that I couldn't read. I'd have to squint at my computer screen to be able to work. Driving home I noticed the blurriness but it wasn't like I couldn't drive or anything. Each thing was still it's own thing, if that makes sense. They just weren't crisp and I certainly couldn't read any street signs. But then, I didn't have to knowing my way and all.

Well, she says, "These don't sound like migraines to me. At least not your typical migraine." And goes on to explain that a migraine should be a dull throbbing pain, not a sharp/stabbing pain, that usually starts on one side and goes to the other. Sometimes when it goes to the other side it also remains on the starting side. But not from the front to the back or vice versa. Also, in all the years she's been dealing with migraine sufferers she's never had a patient that gets blurry vision. Light sensitive yes, of course and some who see auras but never blurry vision. So because of these two differences I now have to go see a neurologist. WHAT!!!! Oh my GOD!

She must have seen the alarm in my face because she immediately started to try to reassure me that these could just be MY symptoms, that I am having migraines, they're just different than other peoples. But she wants me to get checked out just the same. "But" I hate that word in this situation. I don't want a "but" I want these are just my symptoms, nothing more.

So yeah, I'm freaking out a little bit. She had me do the drunk person's walk, heal to toe. Had me follow her finger around. Had me touch her finger then my nose from different positions. Shut the lights out and looked at the back of my eyes. Had me do other things too. Luckily I passed all those with flying colors. But......

I walked out of her office calling the doctor she recommended and got an appointment for November 28th. In the beginning I was taking/doing all this in stride. But as the day wore on and my headache lingered and I thought about it I started to worry. Like I did about the red dots, only more so. I got teary eyed a few times. At one point in the evening I curled up with HD and got teary eyed again. I know in my heart of hearts and head of heads that this is all going to be ok in the long run, that these are going to be just MY symptoms. But I still can't help worrying.

Friday on my way to work thinking about having to tell bossman and my close coworkers was just making it that much more real and worrisome. I had to take deep breaths a few times to calm myself down. Everyone, including bossman, said that a month was too long to wait and I should try to get in sooner. Especially when they found out one of the reasons it was so long a wait was because I was trying to find the best time to not take off so much time from work. The earlier appointments were still a two-three week wait but they were in the middle of the afternoon and I'd have to miss a whole half day of work. They said who cares, just get it taken care of. So around 1ish when I knew HD would be awake I had him give me the number and I called and got an appointment for Wednesday November 7th at 8:30am. Somehow in less than a days time an earlier 8:30 appointment was there. Bosslady says someone must have canceled. If not it kind of pisses me off that I wasn't offered it before, so I choose to believe that that is what happened.

So now I only have two weeks to fret and worry all over nothing I'm sure. But in between now and then every little to big headache is going to make me wonder and more than likely make it worse. I have one right now as a matter of fact. Actually I've had two today but they're just normal headache aches, not migraine strong. So that's good.

Media quote of the day: Every time I get a headache, I'm thinking this could be it. - Nate in Six Feet Under